I feel like it has been too long since I have sat down for a good blog session!
This summer was filled with all sorts of emotion! At the beginning of May my husband and I purchased our first home! Our home was built in 1900, and from the moment I walked through it I knew it was where I wanted to start our family. It has such character and charm. As a little girl I always pictured my house with a big front porch and a swing. When we started out on our house hunting journey I never thought we would find anything like this house in our price range. After several months of looking, this house came onto the market. It needed some improvements, but overall it was the perfect home for us!
If you are friends with my on Instagram, you know how much time I dedicated to decorating this front porch. My poor husband was knocking down walls on the inside, while I was planting and crafting on the outside. (I have to take a moment to say how blessed I am to be sitting next to such a wonderful man! He has spent and continues to spend countless hours on this home to make it perfect. He has the patience of a saint and I know our dreams would not be a reality without him! Love you Babe!)
So after the house was "somewhat" done we decided to have our housewarming party! I was so excited and so nervous. I wanted everything to be perfect (surprise), but it is just so hard to make a house your own in just 2 months. Needless to say there was plenty of food and drinks for the guests. Most people spent their time in the backyard enjoying the beautiful weather, and everyone thought the house was beautiful!
I remember as guests were arriving feeling very frazzled and just not myself! My poor husband can attest to this! Just a week after the housewarming party I was starting to feel less and less like myself and was praying that maybe our plan of starting a family was coming true. We were on vacation visiting my family in Florida when I felt almost positive that I was pregnant. Davey and I ran out to the store to get a test and were beyond words when the test came back positive. We had only just started trying and I never thought it would happen so quick. As excited as we were we decided to give it some time before we told anyone. A few weeks later we were back at home and still in shock that our lives were going to change forever. Davey had begun to plan the nursery. He was so set on painting a mural in the nursery. But then a Saturday morning that changed everything. I had woken up and went to use the bathroom. My body felt different. Weak and achy. I noticed some bleeding...
I called the doctor and he confirmed I was most likely miscarrying and that there was nothing they could really do for me, because it was so early on. I cried a heartbreak that I have not felt since my sister passed. I never knew I could have such strong feelings over a child I had never held in my arms. I prayed to god to give me another chance, but I knew there was no undoing what had been done. I wanted to hide away. I felt ashamed like maybe I had done something wrong. I packed away the little gray romper that I had bought and the few maternity items I had got out of excitement. I went back to work with my cheerleaders and just tried not to think of what we had lost.
I consider myself to be a pretty happy person, but it was so hard to go through all of that alone. We did not tell our families. We suffered in silence. It was awful...
I begged my husband if we could start trying again. I think he was nervous, even with the doctors approval. After lots of talking and crying we decided that we were not ready to give up. Just 24 days after miscarrying I took another pregnancy test and the little line was faint, but it was there. I refused to get my hopes up. I waited 3 days and took another. Each time I took another test the line got brighter and brighter. When I went in for my first visit my doctor could hardly believe the news. He said it was a miracle I got pregnant again so quickly. I was over the moon! I was going to be a mommy!
This time I decided that instead of keeping the news to ourselves we were going to share with our family. I knew that if I had to go through all of it again, I would rather be able to cry in the arms of those who love me than suffer in silence. the different reactions we got were priceless. I have them all written down so that I can one day share them with our little peanut.
We started with our parents!
Then the grandparents!
Then after my first trimester was over I shared with my classroom parents!
Then my students!
and finally to Facebook! :)
I am 16 weeks today, just 4 weeks away from finding out the gender. I still have days where I am scared and nervous about what could happen, but mostly I feel overwhelmingly happy that there is a little life growing inside of me. I dreamt about this for a long time, and it is so much better than I could have every imagined. We continue to count our blessings each day and look forward to holding our little peanut in our arms in May!
Thank you for reading!